Preposterous Hypothesis

Pick Your Roommates

Posted by J.W. Tomekin on December 11, 2012

purple platypus thinks of roommates

You just got your dream job, but you have to move tomorrow. You have checked craigslist and there are only three places available. The first choise is a 4 bedroom apartment with the three stooges. Your second choice, a two bedroom apartment with the Kool-aid guy. Or do you go with the third choice, a studio apartment furnished with the furniture from Pee-wWee’s Playhouse. Its your choice, choose wisely.

Mortimer Gourmet...
I start work tomorrow. What is my job? If I told you, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!! Is that how you say it? I don’t know, it’s my first day. But seriously, my job as an international spy will probably have me out of the country a lot. With that said, I think that would be a problem for the roommates. You know, collecting rent, cleaning the place, the risk that I may have to assassinate them at any moment. That is a stressful environment. I would, for the sake of everyone, take my PEEWEE Herman style studio. That means that the furniture talks though? If that’s it, I would be okay, but if I had to deal with Peewee’s guests, like that mailman or the fat redheaded lady, I would probably bring my Bourne skills home with me…you know what I’m saying? Yeah, you do. Plus, I’m pretty sure Chairy works for the KGB, so I would need to get to the bottom of that.

J.W. Tomekin...

The answer to this tough question will only be discovered by deductive reasoning, as there are no good choices here. The kool aid guy, “oh yeah”, oh no, you will never get your deposit back with that stupid wall breaker. Even if that fat-ass pitcher of juice could fit through the door, he is an open container filled with red staining liquid. The brand new cosmic latte colored carpet doesn’t stand a chance. That leaves us with the 3 stooges and the furniture from Pee-Wee’s playhouse. This is tough, as neither are ideal, but I can’t go with the three stooges, they don’t have a steady job and are unreliable with the rent. Not to mention, the woot woot woots and knuck knuck knucks would drive me up the wall. So as much as I hate to do it, I have to agree with my colleague Mortimer on this one, and choose the annoying Pee-Wee furniture. There are some plus sides, Conky 2000 would be cool to have around, and Cherry looks like a comfy chair. That stupid pterodactyl though would drive me nuts.

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The Ultimate Pet

Posted by J.W. Tomekin on September 28, 2012

Dogs and Cats are cool, but what if you could have any animal as a pet? Or better yet, what if you could combine animals to make as your pet? Take any three animals, and combine them into one. what parts do you choose and why? and what do you call it?

Elepandor

Mortimer Gourmet (Click Here)

The head and brain of an elephant. the body of a chimpanzee, but with the wings of a condor. I feel like with this combination, the elepandor, (which by the way, as a name for a new species rolls right of the tongue) would be extremely agile. They say an elephant is one of the smartest species there is, plus he can grab stuff with his trunk and during parties shoot tequila into guests’ mouthes. The chimp body is great because of the aposable thumb, and climbing ability. Plus, since it has the brain of an elephant, he won’t get to a certain age and turn against his owner. The condor is just an added bonus of flight. And it helped with the name. Also, it can shoot lasers out of its eyes.

Elepandor

Rhubarb

J.W. Tomekin (Click Here)

I think I would want my pet to be somewhat small. I saw this tiny monkey once in Ecuador that had golden pirate earrings. He was so small he had to stand on his tippy toes just to steal grapes from people’s martini glass fruit cups. talk about adorable I got a fruit cup the next day just so I could watch him steal grapes from me.

So first off I would take a tiny monkey. then I think I would take the wings and the heart of an owl. A smart owl like Hedwig from Harry Potter. I would call him rhubarb. Rhubarb the Monkowleon (Monk-ow-leon) and we would be best friends, always feeding each other bananas, playing chess, and watching cartoons. Finally I would give Rhubarb chameleon color changing powers. That way he could sneak around and steal things like pocket watches, golden lockets, and grapes from people’s fruit cups.

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Jetson or Flinstone?

Posted by J.W. Tomekin on August 17, 2012

You head to your mail box, and find two invitations inside. Both are for a birthday party. The problem is they are for the same day! Who’s party do you go to? One is for Fred Flinstone and the other is for George Jetson, who do you choose?

Here are our answers…

Mortimer Gourmet...

I would definitely go to George Jetson’s party. First of all, we are talking the future vs. prehistoric times. And if we are strictly talking about who would throw a better party, George has more to work with. Fred is gonna serve me dinosaur eggs and T-Rex steaks. Maybe we go bowling, and watch as he tries to manage his horrible gambling problem, but what else is there? Anything goes in the future. I’m gonna be on a jet ski hover craft, while being served shrimp cocktail by a robot. I bet you can’t even get hungover in the future. And I imagine the playlist at Jetsonpolooza would be better than banging on a sabor tooth tiger skin with with a mamouth bone. Think about how advanced Pandora will be in the future? All you do is think about what song you want to hear, and it wouldautomatically start. Coincidentally, the only song I would want to listen to is the techno-remix to the Flinestone’s theme song.

J.W. Tomekin...

It is tempting to choose Fred because you know we would go bowling and eat Fruity Pebbles and that sounds like a hell of a time, but in the end I have to go with George Jetson. For one reason, Jane, his wife, is ten times hotter than Wilma.

Dr. Jesse A. Desper

Should I go to Fred Flintstone’s Bday or George Jetson’s? This is tough, I mean if I go to Fred’s I can see dinosaurs and sabertooth tigers, if I go to George’s I can see the future and his hot daughter(wait she’s only 16, forget I said that). To be 100% honest this is an easy answer and it doesn’t come down to any of the reasoning you think it would. For me it comes down to the fact that I’m a cheap bastard, and I bet I could give Fred a rock with a hole in it and he’d be pumped where as I’d have to give George something far out and super expensive. so there you have it, you’ll catch me 301 cobblestone way in bedrock blowing out the candles with fred, wilma, barney betty, bam-bam, pebbles and dino.

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Do Goonies Grow Up?

Posted by J.W. Tomekin on July 24, 2012

Where are the Goonies now? Mikey, Chunk, Data & Mouth. Did they grow up? Are the Fratelli’s still after them? Does Sloth still think he is superman?

You tell us! comment below with your answers!

Here are our possible scenarios!

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The Zombie Apocalypse

Posted by J.W. Tomekin on July 16, 2012

The date is December 21st 2012, and the zombie apocalypse has finally arrived. That is the bad news. The good news is you get a little help.

1. What is your weapon?

2. Who is your Sidekick?

3. What tunes are you jamming out to?

Your choices for 1 and 2 can be real or fictional, but you only get one weapon and one sidekick, so choose wisely.

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